Never Let the Lyrics Get in the Way of the Groove
Maurice White, the legendary founder of Earth, Wind & Fire, famously held a simple musical rule when writing songs: Never let the lyrics get in the way of the groove. When his co-writer pressed him to replace the meaningless phrase "ba-dee-ya" in "September" with actual words, White refused. The feeling, the energy, and the rhythm mattered far more than perfect syntax.
That same philosophy can save a man’s life the same way it saves a song.
Lyrics are the labels we use to define ourselves. They are the neat, articulate descriptions we give to our roles: I'm a provider. A carpenter. A husband. A son. A leader. It’s a good story, but labels are just words. They aren't the music itself.
The real question isn't what your lyrics are. The question is: What’s your groove?
Lost in the Lyrics of Loss
In my practice, I see what happens when a man’s life hits a sudden, tragic pause and his lyrics no longer make sense.
Take "Greg," a fictional 42-year-old high school vice-principal. A year ago, Greg’s mother passed away after a long battle with illness. Greg had spent his entire adult life defining himself by his lyrics—he was the dutiful eldest son, the reliable caretaker, the organized professional who handled every emergency.
When his mother died, those lyrics evaporated. He was no longer a son caring for his mom. Without that identity to anchor him, Greg felt completely hollow. He kept repeating his old titles, trying to force the words to bring him comfort, but he had lost his internal rhythm entirely. He was showing up to work, running meetings, and going through the motions, but the feeling was gone.
He was obsessing over the lyrics of who he used to be, instead of tuning back into the groove of living.
Recognizing the Groove
You can spot the difference between someone reciting lyrics and someone living in their groove from a mile away:
At work: Three carpenters can stand on the same framing job. One is watching the clock, one is complaining, and the third moves with precision, joy, and effortless collaboration. That third man is in the groove.
At school pickup: Three dads wait outside at 3:00 PM. One stays glued to his phone, one sits isolated in his truck, and one is out on the field kicking a ball around with the kids, connected and present. Which one is in the groove?
When you face a major life disruption, clinging tightly to rigid definitions of who you "should" be will only leave you feeling stuck. Like a piece of instrumental music that needs no words to move you, your life is meant to be felt, not just categorized.
Finding Your Rhythm Again
For Greg, healing didn't mean finding a new set of clever words to describe his grief. It meant stepping back into his body and re-engaging with the world around him. It meant letting go of the need to have every role perfectly defined and simply allowing himself to feel alive in small, daily moments again—coaching his daughter’s team, working with his hands, and being present with his family.
Next time you are at a coffee shop, on a job site, or walking through your neighborhood, take a look around.
Who is just reciting their lyrics? Who is actually in the groove?
And more importantly—are you?
Guiding Men Through Loss and Life Transitions in Victoria, BC
I am Jason Scriven, and I offer confidential, goal-oriented psychosocial support for men navigating grief, traumatic loss, and major identity shifts. I help men build practical frameworks to reconnect with purpose, aliveness, and genuine emotional resilience.
Services for navigating loss and personal growth:
Individual Support: Practical strategies to process grief without getting stuck in rigid identity traps.
Transition Coaching: Rebuilding a grounded sense of self after career shifts or personal loss.
Actionable Strategies: Moving past surface-level definitions toward deep, daily alignment.
Contact Jason Scriven today to schedule a confidential consultation and start finding your groove again.
