The Urge to Use

Here's what I learned this week about addiction: The urge to use is the urge to heal.

Men don't turn to porn, booze, drugs, overwork or gambling to wreck their life. Most of the time they just want a break from their nervous system always being in fight, flight, or freeze mode.

And addictive behavior provides temporary relief in specific ways:

➡️Hallucinogenic drugs can lead to disassociation in the face of the flight impulse.

➡️Opioids like oxycodone give the user a burst of energy to stave off the freeze reaction, and the depression that usually goes with it.

➡️Alcohol numbs the fear center that drives the urge to fight.

And then it wrecks your life.

The men I work with in my practice and at the Men's Therapy Centre are looking for something more sustainable.

➡️They want to build emotional capacity so the nervous system can stand down.

➡️They want to learn the skills of mindfulness and embodiment so they can listen to what their body is telling them.

➡️They want to connect with others in a meaningful way, to experience safety and trust and belonging.

How about a gentle hand on the shoulder to say "I see you are struggling. Take a breath. A deep one. Take a load off. I don't need anything from you, except your presence."