Overcoming the other HPV
When men think about the things that scare them, they usually list concrete, external threats: financial instability, career failure, or physical harm. But in my practice, the deepest, most pervasive fear I see in men is a different kind of HPV.
I’m talking about the fear of feeling Helpless, Powerless, and Vulnerable.
This quiet, internal terror of being "less than" or losing control completely derails our ability to connect meaningfully with the people in our lives—and with ourselves.
Take "Marcus," a successful 38-year-old construction foreman in Victoria. Marcus is a natural leader. He is the guy everyone goes to when a project is falling apart because he is decisive, tough, and entirely self-reliant. But when Marcus sat in my space, his marriage was on the verge of collapsing.
His wife told him she felt like she was living with a roommate, not a partner. Whenever she tried to talk to him about her struggles, or asked him how he was coping with his own high-pressure workload, Marcus would freeze, deflect, or offer a rigid, logical solution.
To Marcus, letting his guard down felt like admitting defeat. He had spent his entire life running from any feeling that made him feel helpless or weak.
The Conditioning of the "Impervious" Man
I understand why Marcus behaves this way. Most men have been conditioned to shut off their emotional cores since they were young boys.
We are rewarded early in life for:
being quiet (“You’re such a good boy”)
being strong (“Take care of your sister”)
and staying impervious to pain (“Don’t cry, suck it up”)
By the time a boy becomes a man, he has fully internalized the belief that showing any hint of helplessness, powerlessness, or vulnerability makes him a liability.
So, we construct an identity based on absolute solitude and self-sufficiency. But there is a massive cost.
When you shut down your capacity to feel the heavy, uncomfortable emotions, you also numb your capacity to experience genuine love, joy, and deep connection.
You become a spectator in your own life.
Tapping into a Different Kind of Strength
Overcoming the fear of feeling helpless, powerless, or vulnerable is not about becoming soft. It is about expanding your toolkit so you can handle the full spectrum of the human experience.
For Marcus, breaking this cycle started with three practical steps:
Label the Feeling: Instead of pushing past the internal discomfort with anger or silence, learn to name what is actually happening. Saying "I feel overwhelmed" or "I am feeling anxious about this" shifts the brain out of threat-response mode.
Share Without Trying to Solve: Practice speaking your emotional reality out loud in a safe space. Tell your partner or a trusted confidant: "I don't need you to fix this, and I don't need to solve it right now. I just need to say it."
Accept Support: Realize that it is entirely acceptable to ask for help, to depend on someone else, and to acknowledge your limitations.
When you finally give up the exhausting act of pretending to be completely impervious, you don’t become weaker. You tap into a far more resilient strength—one that is driven by connection, not isolation.
Becoming Stronger Through Connection in Victoria, BC
I am Jason Scriven, and I provide high-impact, confidential psychosocial support and coaching for men navigating the challenges of modern masculinity, relationship strain, and identity shifts.
Services for men ready to build deeper connection:
Individual Coaching: Practical tools to help you identify, articulate, and manage complex emotional states.
Relationship Support: Helping men transition out of defensive communication styles to rebuild intimacy with their partners.
A Space for Real Strategy: Moving away from passive conditioning to build an authentic, resilient self-identity.
My services are specifically structured for the unique social and emotional realities men face.
Contact Jason Scriven today to book a confidential consultation and start building a more connected future.
