Power to is much better than power over.

But most men don't know the difference. And that confusion is creating a painful double bind.

Our relationship to power depends on whether we're wielding it or experiencing it. For men, power can feel like both a birthright and a trap. Society tells us to be powerful, to take charge, to be in control. But the same society condemns us when we use that power in ways that feel controlling, dominating, or oppressive.

So we try to do the right thing. We rein it in. We make ourselves smaller. We go along to get along. We downplay our opinions, soften our presence, apologize for taking up space. We try to be less intimidating, less domineering, less of what we're afraid others see when they see a man with power.

We trade one problem for another—from potentially abusing power to abandoning it altogether.

The question haunts us: How can I be strong without alienating the people I care about?

The balance feels elusive, and the fear of getting it wrong keeps us playing small.

We've all been there. You screwed up, you knew it, and you felt terrible about it.

The mistake itself is painful enough. You're already replaying it in your mind, beating yourself up, feeling the weight of disappointment and shame. You don't need anyone to tell you that you messed up—you're acutely aware.

And then someone calls you out. Having our worst moment highlighted and used against us. Being defined by our failure rather than given space to grow from it.

Let's be honest: You're no picnic.

Neither am I. Neither is anyone.

But here's the thing—we never see it that way, do we? We are the protagonist doing our best in a world full of difficult people who just don't understand us.

And from your point of view? You're absolutely right.

And yet.

You've built an impressive life. From the outside, everything looks successful. You have the career, the family, the life that everyone said you should want. People see you as someone who has it all together.

But inside? You're exhausted from performing.

Every morning, you put on the mask.